


Podline Bling

by Kiloueka



Series: No Spoilers [6]
Category: NieR: Automata (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Humor, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, PWP, Phone Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-27 17:34:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12587052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiloueka/pseuds/Kiloueka
Summary: From the prompt: I have a gigantic crush on you and you called me on the phone while I was masturbating but I picked up anyway and you caught on to what I was doing but you didn’t hang up??? Does this mean you like me??? Does this mean we’re gonna have phone sex???2B might be a bit ooc but i don't really care since this is a shitpost anyway.





	Podline Bling

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BrossBean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrossBean/gifts).



“Mmmm. Mmm… 2B…” 9S moaned as he gently stroked himself in the privacy of his room. His partner was off on a solo mission, so he took his rare moment of downtime to do a bit of… stress relief. He leaned back on his small bed and shifted his hips to work his pants a little further down his legs. His fingers were slick with antibiotic cream; traditional lube was hard to come by on the surface, so he had to make do with something of similar consistency. Plus, it also provided him with a nice tingling feeling he enjoyed.

He closed his eyes and his mind was flooded with imagined scenarios of the two of them… together… alone. Their clothes were littered around the small room and she had him pinned tightly against a wall, or the bed, or really any hard, relatively flat surface. Her stormy eyes bored into his whenever she pulled back from biting and sucking on his neck, or his chest, or anywhere really.

“Ahha..hhh…” He leaned forward as he picked up the pace.

The intensity of his fantasies increased with the intensity of his strokes as dream 2B dug her nails into his shoulders as she rode him hard, almost painfully. Her legs wrapped around his and her knees were pressed tight against his hands as she held his helpless frame there to have her way with him. Not that he minded, it was his fantasy after all and he was enjoying every minute of it.

He couldn’t completely push away the guilt of thinking of his combat partner in that way though. It wasn’t exactly professional, but he couldn’t exactly help feeling the way he did towards her. And being within arm’s reach of her almost 24/7 made it hard for him to think of much else.

His free hand worked its way around his ass, giving it hard squeezes as dream 2B mirrored his motions. He shifted his body side to side as he pushed his fingers further down between him and the bed until he could now feel the back of his junk on his fingertips.

He tried thinking of other people in the past, just generic faces with no names attached, but it was never the same. When he looked at any other model, be it YoRHa or Resistance, or even ancient photographs of humans, he felt nothing. It was her, and her alone that gave him this rush of emotions that he couldn’t push away.

Dream 2B sighed and moaned as dream 9S pulled her closer and thrust up hard inside her. She threw her head back and cried out as he showed her how he felt for her. 

“Nines.” She screamed, and he smiled as his mind wove together bits of sound data from her to create believable words. “Nines. Nines. Nines!” Again and again and again.

Why was she so cold and distant? He knew that wasn’t really who she was; the time she acted so tender and patient when they escorted the terrified machine child back to his family and the way she lit up when talking to her operator told him she was really a gentle, kind person. Maybe something happened between her and a previous partner in the past that made her close herself off to him like that. Or maybe she knew he was going to jerk it to fantasies of her perfect body when he was alone and didn’t want anything to do with that. 

He shook his head. No, now’s not the time to think about that. He needed to hurry up and finish himself off so he could get back to work before 2B returned. He could feel it building up, ready to burst, so he quickly grabbed a handful of the tissues that made up 90% of the volume of his bag. His mind flashed back to the fictional scene that played in his mind. She bucked on top of him and screamed his name again and again as she reached forward and tenderly wrapped her hands around his neck–

“Incoming call from Unit 2B.” His pod blared, nearly startling him into ripping his own dick off. He squealed and winced in pain and glared.

“W-wait pod, hold on.” He gasped. But it was too late. A video of 2B popped up on the screen and he quickly threw on a straight face and hoped for the best.

“9S.” She began, completely unaware of what was going on below. “I finished up the mission earlier than expected and found some interesting information that you might find useful. I will send the files to you in a minute for you to analyze.”

“T-thanks 2B.” He responded in as close to a normal voice as he could muster. He continued stroking himself ever so gently and slowly, just so he didn’t completely lose his momentum and have to start over after the call ended... Which he hoped happen soon. As much as he loved talking with her, now wasn’t the best time for it.

“Just s-send them over soon and I’ll analyze them.”

She tilted her head slightly in confusion. “I already said I was about to do that.”

“Right, sorry! I’ll pay better attention in the future.”

“9S. Is everything all right there?”

“W-what? Yeah, everything’s fine!” He stopped stroking and held his dick protectively in his hand, as if it were going to hide all his shame too.

“I can see on the holo-screen that your vitals are above normal right now. Do you need my assistance.”

 _Oh boy, do I?_  “N-no, I was just uh… playing some hacking games, trying to keep my skills up for our next battle and it was uhh… getting really intense.”

“I see, well that–”

“Unit 9S was currently engaging in a self stimulatory behavior commonly known as “masturbation”. His pod interrupted. “Masturbation is when–”

“POD!” He screamed and jumped on it, fumbling for the off switch as it continued detailing everything to 2B. Finally he found it and flipped it off, causing his pod to fall to the ground with a clang.

“Oh god, oh god, 2B’s going to kill me, I’m going to die… oh god she probably saw everything when I jumped on the pod and the camera went everywhere, oh god oh god.”

Moments later his pod reactivated on its own and flew up to eye level.

“Reboot successful. Unit 9S is not authorized to shut down his tactical support unit.”

9S groaned and as he was considering punting his pod across the room for potentially shortening his life span, 2B called back. 9S felt his stomach drop and took a deep breath before taking the call.

“9S.”

“Y-yes 2B?” He squeaked. 

“It’s good to see that you are spending your downtime doing something productive.”

“2B, I’m sorry I–” 

“And I mean that in a completely serious manner.”

“W-what?” He nearly jumped back in surprise.

“Unchecked sexual tension can cause a significant decrease mission efficiency.”

“I mean, yeah but–”

“It’s good to see you’re taking the initiative to tend to this yourself on your own time.”

He nodded slightly in response, still in shock at her completely unexpected and nonchalant reaction. He could see her shift slightly on the screen and started to wonder what was going on in her end until she spoke again.

“Anyway,” she began, her voice softer and breathier than usual, “I’ll be back within the hour and… and a-aah.” Her head tilted back a bit as the soft sigh escaped her lips. Wait. Wait. Wait. Is she really doing what he thinks she is?

“Wait, 2B, are you–”

“Like I said 9S,” she breathed, “unchecked sexual tension can cause a significant decrease mission efficiency.”

His jaw still hung open in shock as he watched her sway slightly as she breathed soft moans into the screen. With a bit more hesitation, he began slowly stroking himself once again. It took him a while to build up the momentum he lost from the shock, but soon he was almost matching her pace and intensity of her breathing.

 _Is this really happening?_ He thought. It certainly felt real, but the near-absurdity of the situation was also trying to convince him this was yet another one of his weird fantasies. Either way, it was happening, and he might as well sit back and enjoy it while he can.

His eyes slowly flicked across her features and he was glad that he hadn’t bothered taking his visor off before starting. He savored watching the way her lips tensed and relaxed as she did… something to herself below the scope of the camera.

It wasn’t long before he felt that familiar pressure building up inside him once again and he leaned back and relaxed as he came into his wad of tissues, moaning loudly all the while. This wasn’t so bad, as long as he didn't—

“Ngh, 2B!”  _Shit._  What if she didn’t want to know he was thinking about her? But then again, how could she think she wasn’t on his mind in that moment, considering she was facing him directly… and also touching herself?

A moderately loud squeal escaped her lips the moment he moaned her name and she picked up the pace. 9S leaned back against the wall, dazed as he slowed to a stop and just lay there, watching his partner continue on.

He lustfully watched 2B as she went faster and faster, likely nearing her own climax. Her moans grew in intensity until she strained to hold them back to avoid being caught out in the open. The look on her face was priceless, even considering most of it was obscured by her visor. The way her lips switched from smile to frown to some unknown expression every second made him want to kiss her through the screen. But he refrained. He didn’t want to push his luck any further than he already had that day.

2B grunted and leaned forward before throwing her head back and—  
“Nin…9S.” He nearly fell back in shock the moment his name left her lips. Was she really thinking about him? Was this the first time, what if she’s done this before? He thought of the best set of questions to ask but before he could open his mouth, 2B let out a relaxed sigh and spoke.

“I realize I’ve been neglecting myself in this regard.” She said in her normal cool, calm tone. “Thank you 9S, for reminding me to take proper care of my body to improve performance. Do you feel significantly less tense as well?”

“Y-yeah.” He stuttered. “2B you… I—”

“Then you were successful in your efforts. That is good to hear. Anyway, as I was saying before, I will forward you the data and return to camp within the hour. I hope you find good use of my findings. Goodbye.”

“Wait 2B!” He almost yelled, but before he could say anything else, the screen flashed to black and vanished.

“Oh, ok.” He mumbled, still gripping his dirty tissues tightly in one hand and his dick loosely in the other. He stared at himself and his mess, dazed, still in disbelief that that actually happened. 

“You know what? Whatever, whatever! I’m probably going to hurt myself trying to make sense of this whole thing. I’m just going to accept it for what it was and just enjoy the moment.” 

9S stood up and shook his head clear then took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. He cleaned up and washed his hands before sitting back down to analyze the data he received as he awaited the return of his partner and whatever other surprises she might have in store for him.


End file.
